Different Coping Mechanisms

With the recent death of my Grandmother I have been at a loss for words.  She was the most wonderful person you could have ever met and and impacted so many lives.  My Grandmama always knew the right thing to say about any given situation.  Her wisdom, council and love will live on in the rest of my family.  She has taught all of us so many things and she will always have a special place in my heart. 

Even though my heart feels broken, I have to go back to being normal.  So, since I'm trying to be normal I will do my best to write a meaningful post this morning.  Excuse me in advance if it isn't up to my normal standards, but I actually learned a lot about myself and my family during the time they spent here.

Different people grieve in different ways.  It's just the same as the different love languages.  You need to understand how people cope in order for them to grieve properly.  When your partner loses a loved one, they are going to be heartbroken and feel empty inside--it's your job as their spouse or Significant Other to understand how to help them cope with their loss.

Loner:
These people are like me.  When something bad happens, they would much rather be alone than in a group full of people.  If they know how their family/spouse copes, they will help them, but for their own sanity they need their personal space.  These people would rather cry alone and stay strong for the rest of the grieving party.  They put on a brave face for the world, but show their emotion in private or with people they are very close to.

Touchy:
This is how the majority of my family handles stress or grief.  These people like to hug out their emotions with other people.  They need to know that you're there for them, so hold their hand and hug them tight.  That's what they need to get out their emotions.  

Optimistic:
These people are usually the ones who will openly talk about the person you've recently lost.  They like to focus on the person and remember the good times with them.  For most people coping with a loss, these people are hard for them to be around.  There is usually a point where the grieving will be able to reminisce, but it usually takes some time before they want to talk openly about their loved one. 

Caregiver:
These people want to make sure they are doing everything that is needed so the rest of the family can grieve.  I find this quality very rare when people are coping, but it's there.  With this quality, there tends to be less opportunity to cry and mourn your loved one.  As the loved one of this type of mourner, just make sure they get their chance to properly grieve the loss.  Most times they are too focused on other people to even realize they haven't said their proper "goodbyes".

"You will lose someone you can't live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved.  But this is also the good news.  They live forever in your broken heart that doesn't seal back up.  And you come through.  It's like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly--that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp." --Anne Lamott