Battling the Art of Good Byes; By Andrea Barringer

Battling the Art of Good Byes

By Andrea Barringer

Boot camp is by far NOT the hardest part of dating a man in the Marines, it only gets harder. Saying goodbye to Jeremy when he left for boot was almost like saying goodnight, it took a few days and nights alone to have it really sink in that he was gone… for thirteen long weeks.  During that time I thought to myself, “it cannot get worse than this.” Well, I was wrong.

As dramatic as this sounds, you’ll be okay. Breathe, relax, find a hobby, and time will slip by quicker than you think. After the ten days of leave I had to do it all over again, say goodbye.  I cried a little harder, I hugged much tighter, and I kissed him a little longer. As soon as I jumped into my car tears instantly fell – he was gone again. This time I could feel it in my stomach instantly after we parted ways; it felt hungry, but not for food…. Empty. I thought to myself again, “now it definitely cannot get worse than this.” But Alas, I was definitely wrong.

Fast forward a few months and a few visits to Fort Leonard Wood, where he trained for his MOS, he received his orders on where he would be stationed. We were both happy for the location, and visiting could potentially be easy. I visited him one last time in Missouri before he was shipped off to yet another base. I watched his graduation and held my breath as he walked across to get his certificate and got a chill down my spine when he winked at me when heading back to his seat.  After that it was off to the airport again. We got to spend a few hours together before his flight, just holding each other tightly. Now, I made a point to never cry in front of him when saying good bye, I didn’t want him to feel any guilt or responsibility for my sadness. He gave me this look at the airport and I knew what it meant, he didn’t even have to say the word and I instantly burst into tears. This time I couldn’t hold it back. I cried on his shoulder for at least 20 minutes before his buddy had to peal us apart so he could board his plane. We said our I love you’s one last time in person. And he was gone. One last time I thought, “It seriously could be NO worse than this.” But I know I am going to be totally wrong.

While this sounds terrifying and people will be thinking to themselves “why in the world am I doing this?” I have learned this last year what an immense level of strength I have within my heart. I have learned what emotional lengths I can go to in order to stand by and support the man I love. I have learned that just when I think it’s the hardest… I can fully recover and push through.

Each goodbye may have seemed harder than the last, but you are also getting stronger with every single one.  Just when you think you can’t put your heart through anymore hurt, the broken pieces start to put themselves back together again, you learn to smile again, and you remember why you put yourself through that kind of torture… because loving him is completely worth it. I am fully aware that when his first deployment happens I will be sitting here thinking, “NOTHING is worse than this.” It may take some time to bounce back, but I always do. Grab the support from your friends, family, and fellow MilSOs and I know everyone else can too.

Xoxo

Andrea

Earning the Title: Fiancé Edition

Good Morning Ladies!

If you are already married to your Marine, this post will not apply to you.  This is for the girls who have a man in boot camp/girls who are getting married to their Marine out of fear so they can be with him: 


In today's society we are all about the instant gratification.  We want what we want and we want it now!  Texting, Social media and alike has turned us all into Veruca Salts.  I don't know about you, but she was never my favorite character on Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.  This causes a problem because we can't function when we have to wait for something.  Sometimes we have to remember the longer you wait for something or earn something--the sweeter it is.  When I was a teenager, my parents wouldn't buy a car for me because they told me I needed to earn it myself.  I didn't really understand the concept until I was older, but I understand the appreciation you get when you wait until you earn what you want. So today, I'm going to talk about earning a title that we all want: Fiancé.  

No, I'm not a Fiancé, but of course I want to be!  What girl hasn't imagined her wedding day: All the beautiful flowers, a string quartet playing as you walk down the aisle with your father, the look on your man's face--every girl has her picture perfect wedding day.  When you get engaged, that means the last piece of the puzzle is in place.  


Because of the "I want it NOW" stage that is society, I see couples getting engaged and married before they are ready.  Now that I've been involved with the Military lifestyle once again, I'm starting to see it more and more.  Here is the typical picture: A girl's boyfriend graduates from boot camp,  he proposes, they get married during his 10 day leave.  I would say that happens to about 15-25% (maybe more) of the girls that see their man graduate boot camp.  If you're ready to take that next step in your relationship, go for it!  But in my experience this probably isn't the wisest choice for you or your new Marine.  

What most girls fail to realize is that getting married to a man in the Military will be a lifestyle change for both of you.  After boot camp a lot of girls feel pressured into getting married because that's the "typical" and romantic thing to do in these types of relationships.  Yes, it happens a lot, but getting married is life changing for both parties.  Think about it: he just finished his first portion of training, he's been brainwashed for 13 weeks and has been made into a killing machine.  He has already gone through 13 weeks of "your life isn't your own, it's the Marine Corps'" and now you're asking him to make another life changing decision right after he has already started the biggest transition of his life.  In my mind, that isn't fair to you or to him. 

What I'm trying to get at is: if you love each other, no amount of distance or time should change that.  Why not put your relationship to the test and try out this lifestyle before making the biggest commitment of your life?  You aren't just marrying him, you're marrying his lifestyle and you need to be okay with that.  Just because you're with him, doesn't mean it will be better.  For example, Ryan and I had talked about getting married while he was in MOS school so he wouldn't be sent to Japan.  Once we decided that was the wrong decision for us, they gave us the news that his Duty Station would be overseas in Oki.  I can't even tell you how heartbroken I was and I was kicking myself thinking, We should have gotten married. How are we going to make it through this unscathed?  Looking back, I'm so glad that we didn't get married because when he arrived at his Duty Station they offered him his dream job.  If we had gotten married he wouldn't have had that opportunity.  In my experience, most single enlisted guys get more opportunities than the married enlisted guys.  I would never want to stand in the way of any opportunity Ryan has ahead of him.  Whether or not our relationship is strong enough to make it through Japan is yet to be seen, but by the end of his time there we will know.  

All of your Marines had to earn the title, "Marine", so why do some of us feel that the title "Wife" or "Fiancé" is something we deserve after only 13 weeks?  There are many other tough times ahead for the two of you, so show your man that you're faithful, loving, caring, understanding and that you can handle this lifestyle.  If you can't handle it as a girlfriend, what makes you think you can handle it as a wife?

Love Languages

Good Morning Gals!

Even though I've talked about the 5 different Love Languages, I still thought I should talk about them.  I have had several conversations with people about this recently, so I thought it best to write my thoughts down in a post for the world to hear! 

What are the different Love Languages?

1. Receiving Gifts

2. Words of Affirmation

3. Acts of Service

4. Physical Touch

5. Quality Time

Why do you need to know your Love Language and your S/O's?

Every relationship functions differently, but if you don't know what your Love Language is, how do you expect your partner to express love in the "correct" way?  Personally, I have had this problem in my relationship before. 

Just picture it: I say, "Ryan, it would be really nice to get a card in the mail or maybe even some yen from Japan! Just something small. It would mean so much to me!" Now Ryan responds with, "We talk and I tell you how much I care. How is that not enough for you?" 

What we have there, ladies and gents, is a major language barrier. Ryan can't understand why the way he communicates his love for me isn't coming across the way he intends it. While I can't comprehend the reason he won't send me something.  The problem is that we aren't speaking the same language and both of us have to be willing to become bilingual.  Yes, it seems pointless to you to clean the toilet, but if your partner speaks "Acts of Service", that could mean the world to her.  Going to play mini-golf might seem stupid to you, but if your partner loves mini-golf and he speaks "Quality Time", do something fun together that he will appreciate. 

Now, to nip something in the bud that has been misconstrued: Physical Touch.  If your love language is Physical Touch that doesn't mean you express love through having intimate relations with your partner.  Physical Touch is meant to be things like hugging your partner when she feels down or holding her hand in the mall so everyone knows that she is your girl.  This Love Language can be very hard to handle in this lifestyle since the times we are physically with our loved ones isn't very often.  Just try and make the best of any situation.

All of that to say, learn your partner's Love Language.  It will make communicating with them easier and you will get a better understanding of who they are.  We all want to feel loved, so show your partner you love them in a way they will understand.

Find out your Love Language