Battling the Art of Good Byes; By Andrea Barringer

Battling the Art of Good Byes

By Andrea Barringer

Boot camp is by far NOT the hardest part of dating a man in the Marines, it only gets harder. Saying goodbye to Jeremy when he left for boot was almost like saying goodnight, it took a few days and nights alone to have it really sink in that he was gone… for thirteen long weeks.  During that time I thought to myself, “it cannot get worse than this.” Well, I was wrong.

As dramatic as this sounds, you’ll be okay. Breathe, relax, find a hobby, and time will slip by quicker than you think. After the ten days of leave I had to do it all over again, say goodbye.  I cried a little harder, I hugged much tighter, and I kissed him a little longer. As soon as I jumped into my car tears instantly fell – he was gone again. This time I could feel it in my stomach instantly after we parted ways; it felt hungry, but not for food…. Empty. I thought to myself again, “now it definitely cannot get worse than this.” But Alas, I was definitely wrong.

Fast forward a few months and a few visits to Fort Leonard Wood, where he trained for his MOS, he received his orders on where he would be stationed. We were both happy for the location, and visiting could potentially be easy. I visited him one last time in Missouri before he was shipped off to yet another base. I watched his graduation and held my breath as he walked across to get his certificate and got a chill down my spine when he winked at me when heading back to his seat.  After that it was off to the airport again. We got to spend a few hours together before his flight, just holding each other tightly. Now, I made a point to never cry in front of him when saying good bye, I didn’t want him to feel any guilt or responsibility for my sadness. He gave me this look at the airport and I knew what it meant, he didn’t even have to say the word and I instantly burst into tears. This time I couldn’t hold it back. I cried on his shoulder for at least 20 minutes before his buddy had to peal us apart so he could board his plane. We said our I love you’s one last time in person. And he was gone. One last time I thought, “It seriously could be NO worse than this.” But I know I am going to be totally wrong.

While this sounds terrifying and people will be thinking to themselves “why in the world am I doing this?” I have learned this last year what an immense level of strength I have within my heart. I have learned what emotional lengths I can go to in order to stand by and support the man I love. I have learned that just when I think it’s the hardest… I can fully recover and push through.

Each goodbye may have seemed harder than the last, but you are also getting stronger with every single one.  Just when you think you can’t put your heart through anymore hurt, the broken pieces start to put themselves back together again, you learn to smile again, and you remember why you put yourself through that kind of torture… because loving him is completely worth it. I am fully aware that when his first deployment happens I will be sitting here thinking, “NOTHING is worse than this.” It may take some time to bounce back, but I always do. Grab the support from your friends, family, and fellow MilSOs and I know everyone else can too.

Xoxo

Andrea