Elle Woods' Guide: Getting through a Break Up

Good Morning Gals!

I was waiting to post this because I knew it would be my last entry. I will not be blogging any more and the heading of this post explains why. I'm going to miss writing my little words of wisdom, but I can find another hobby! Or better yet...maybe start a different blog! :) 

We have all had moments like this in a relationship:

Sometimes, it is enough. However, most of the time if you're in a relationship like Elle was in--it's not going to work out and you're on the road to a break up.

After the initial break up you will go through phases:

Denial

Anger

Self-Loathing

Acceptance 

What you should do:
Spend a lot of time with Family and friends
When Elle traveled to Harvard she left a lot of her friends behind. Even though they were far, she still talked to them on the phone. Not to mention she made some new friends along her journey. (Thank heaven for chick flicks!) 

Do something for yourself
Because a break up can do some bad things to your self image. So, go out and do something that makes you feel pretty, loved and wanted. Every time you saw Elle outside of class, she was usually making herself look fabulous at the local salon! She also met one of her closest friends there. You never know the people you're gonna meet, so go out and make friends! 

Put the phone down
Yeah, he would text you all day, every day. That's why you need to step away from your phone (and Facebook). If you have it on your person 24/7 you'll be waiting for a text from him right after the break up. 
Legally Blonde was made in 2001, so Elle didn't have to deal with all the social media pressures of today.

Use this time to find yourself
For the past X years or X months you've been attached at the hip to your man. It's hard redefining yourself, but you can do it. You're no longer "Samantha 'n' Blake". Now you're just "Samantha". Instead of resenting that, embrace it! Be your own person! Elle kind of missed the mark on this when she followed Warner to Harvard, but if she hadn't done that she wouldn't have found her passion! 

Work out
The picture below says it all:

Accomplish your goals
Just because you're single doesn't mean you can give up on yourself! Keep going for your dreams, like Elle did! Even when she knew that a relationship with Warner wasn't going to work out

What you shouldn't do:
Enter a relationship right away
Elle Woods did find love in the movie, but she wasn't looking for it. If you enter a relationship right away you can't give your new man your whole heart and that's what he deserves. If you want your happily ever after, give yourself some time to heal before you get into another serious relationship.

Harm yourself or others

We all think that the end of your relationship will be the end of our world, but it won't. Don't do physical harm to yourself because you believe that's what you're supposed to do. Try lifting yourself up instead! To make herself and everyone around her feel better, Elle used the snap cup to aid in complimenting other people!

My last point for this post is: 

At the end of it all, don't let this break up change you or get you down! You are going to be worth it to some one. Don't let this one guy make you unfocused on who you are or what you're trying to accomplish. 

What guys think about

Hey Gals!

I'm working on a pretty heavy post for later this week and it's been consuming a lot of my time, so today I just want to share one piece of information with you that you might want to think about: 

This is truth. I can't tell you how many times I ask Ryan what he is thinking and he says, "Nothin'". In reality, he is probably thinking about this: 

Or this:

Don't fight it--embrace it! I told Ryan a few weeks ago that I would try to get into whatever games he likes just so we could spend time together doing something he enjoys. Try it!

Either at the end of this week or the beginning of next week I will share the post that's been eating away at all my time! I'm very proud of it, but I'm just waiting for the right time to post it! 

Censoring your Facebook Posts

Good morning gals!

I've never been a fan of over advertising my relationship. Yeah, some mushy things here and there don't bother me, but when you're constantly posting about how happy/unhappy you are with your man--us mortals tend to get annoyed. Today I'm going to give you a few instances as to why this would be annoying to some of us and how to fix that.

Excessively posting in a group:
Positive Posting:
It's always great when your man comes home on leave and we all want to brag about it! But while you're bragging, just remember that there are some girls who are still separated from their man. Try to be sensitive to every one's feelings in the group! Take your moment, but give other girls their moment as well! Remember, this lifestyle is all about being understanding!

Negative Posting: 
I have said this before and I will say it again--Think before you post! If post something that might cause mass panic, don't post it! Emotions in this lifestyle always seem to run high and you can't post everything negative that's going on with your guy. This won't only cause you to panic more, but it will cause every mom, girlfriend, wife, dad, etc., to panic as well.

On that same note, don't air your dirty laundry out in a Facebook group. Your relationship is your business! Talking to a friend one-on-one is usually better and (at least for me), it's very calming. When you post in a Facebook group it tends to be a "free for all" where all your girlfriends gang up on your man. Honestly, that's not cool. How would you feel if he did that with his friends every time you got in a fight?

What You can do instead:
Talk to a friend one-on-one about your issues. Don't make it a "bashing session" (even though sometimes we need to vent), but instead look for counsel from a friend you trust. This is a healthier way to deal with the ups and downs this lifestyle tends to come with.

Excessively posting on your Facebook:
Negative/Positive Posting:
I'm not going to sugar coat anything about this one. No one cares. 80-90% of your Facebook friends probably aren't MilSOs (unless you add random girls you've never talked to) and they just don't care. They don't care that you haven't seen him in over 100 days. They don't really want to see what you have to say. What they do seem to like is pictures! But, who doesn't like pictures?!

Keep your posting to a minimum. If you post all the time you don't give anyone a chance to be happy or sad for you. It's like in Everybody loves Raymond: Frank and Marie are over at Ray and Deborah's house all the time they don't give anyone the chance to miss them! Give us all a chance to miss you and your posts! This isn't Twitter, people!

What you can do instead:
Create a list of people that you know would care about those posts! My list is called "MilSO". It has all of the MilSO friends I've added and on posts I know only they care about I make it only visible to them. Facebook makes it very easy for us!

Excessively posting to his Facebook Wall:
Negative/Positive Posting:
There is something that we all need to remember, he is a Marine. To you he is the love of your life, but to his friends and fellow Marines he is supposed to be a machine. Those are his "bros" and he has to hold a certain image so he doesn't get tortured by said "bros". Be sensitive to that! Don't go posting sweet nothings to his wall 1,000,000,000 times a day because you miss him. I promise you his friends will never let him live it down. As Ryan always says, "Happy man is the plan!" So, keep him happy!

What you can do instead: 
Send him something personal like a text or a message. It will make him smile to see something sweet from you when he gets off work or wakes up! Try not to keep your conversations mushy and serious all the time! Have fun with each other! Yeah, he is far and you miss him, but keep the laughter alive in your relationship!

Let him have fun; By Jasmine Reffner

Let him have fun

By Jasmine Reffner

So have you ever sat there and wondered where your guy was when he was six? I know I can't be the only one who has dreamt, "If I only I met him when we were infants and grew up and fell in love". Yeah, yeah, I daydream like I'm in a teenage RomCom, sue me. I always have this overwhelming sensation of if only. Though, you know what they say about if only, right? Me either I'm just usually told to stop otherwise I'll cry until there's no tomorrow.

Anyway, I'm always lost in what I was doing when I was six. Granted, I'm 21 now so a good percentage of that is foggy and questionable, but it's there. I had one of the best childhoods imaginable. Call me lucky because Capri-Sun and Disney Channel were an unlimited supply in my household. I know I laughed and I know my dad tickled me until I couldn't breathe, but I can't hold onto any concrete memories. That's what I feel like for my man.

I've heard stories and am only able to paint what my mind imagines. When he was six he had books to read and playgrounds to play on, but it's different. He remembers the concrete memories because when he tells me about his books and playgrounds they're always this off shade dark gray with no room for vibrant reds or pastel blues, just gray. He wasn't reading any Clifford books, but ones they make you read in 11th grade English. I mean his mind was always years ahead of his body and I think that's why he looks like a 20-year-old, but is much older in heart.

You're probably asking why any of this matters and thinking that you don't care what I did or he did when we were six, but there's a point I promise. He enlisted for himself because he never saw himself as a man. You hear it everywhere, "Walk in a boy, walk out a man" when they realize he's becoming a Marine. I'm not going to lie he's certainly more of a man than he was when I met him way back when. I think becoming a Marine did that for him. He walked in a boy and sure as hell walked out a man.

So my point. You remember when I said he was far beyond his years at age six? Well between six and 12 he lost something. I couldn't pinpoint what because I don't think it's something physical. He never really had a chance to be a kid. He didn't have Capri-Sun and Disney like I did. He had two parents who loathed each other and a brother who was too little to play like a six year old should play. I guess what I'm trying to say is let him be a kid for once. He has responsibilities and he signed a contract to do his job, but tell him it's okay to have fun.

You are important as his girlfriend, fiancée, or wife, but what if his childhood was taken away before he even knew that it was okay to have fun? Maybe it's just me, but I keep seeing girls, women, left and right complaining they their man is doing something they don't necessarily approve of. Agree with me, don't agree with me, petition me to salute the officer's wife wearing civvies, but you can't deny the fact that they deserve to have fun, too.

The Titanic Theory

Good Morning Gals!

This morning I told Ryan I was going to be writing about my "Titanic Theory" and he rolled his eyes.  From there I asked him if he remembered what my theory was.  He responded, "Katie, it's not really a theory.  It's just about that stupid lifeboat and if you would jump off.  That's not a theory!"  The sad part is, I don't care that he thinks it's stupid--I'm just happy he remembered what it was!

So, here you go peeps, my theory-that-isn't-really-a-theory-theory about Titanic:

I'm obsessed with Titanic and have been since I was a child.  Just the sheer grandeur of the vessel astounds me!  Ladies dressing up in their best attire, staying out late to have dinner and hang with their friends--it just sounds like a circle that this princess could only dream to be part of.

When I watch movies I tend to put myself in the position of the protagonist.  Obviously, I place myself in Rose's position: A 1st class girl who is marrying into money finds a "street rat" and falls in love.  Let me be honest with myself and with you all for a minute--I would love to be rich. I would love to be able to go to the Chanel store and just buy a $5,000 purse with no issue. Rose could have done that. Rose could have Betsey Johnson custom make her a gown and it wouldn't make a dent (at least for her Fiance since he had all the money).  Even if I had all of the money in the world I would like to think that I would choose love.

The movie is one of my favorites because of the scene where Rose jumps off the lifeboat to be with Jack.

This scene always puts a knot in my stomach and poses the question: would I jump off the lifeboat for Ryan?  Would I give up my "free pass" at living so Ryan and I could fight for our lives together?  But then there is another part of me that just thinks I would be dragging Ryan down.  Kinda like this:

It's funny, but true.  I'm a lot like Rose (Jack labeled her as an "indoor girl"), so I don't think I would do well fighting for my life on the Titanic.  However, I'm sure Ryan would rather fight through together than spend our last few hours apart.  When I asked him this morning what he would do if I jumped off the life boat he said, "I would just tell you how stupid you were for pulling that!" Oh, the things we do for love!

What would you do if you were on the Titanic? Abandon ship, or stay with your sweetie?

Just a little "Thank You"

Good Morning gals!

I really am having a brain meltdown this week.  I'm blaming it on the holidays, my birthday coming up and the fact that it snowed yesterday in Texas.  

There are times that I just don't realize how good my life really is.  There are so many girls who have to constantly worry about their boyfriend's life because he is deployed.  I don't have that problem.  I have a boyfriend who calls and texts me as often as he can.  I have a guy who ordered my birthday presents over a month in advance to make sure I got them on time for my special day (even if they have been staring me in the face for several weeks!).  I've recently realized how much I take those things for granted.  Those things have become expectations as opposed to "extras".  I used to thank him all the time for trying his best.  

I'm not the easiest person to please and Ryan tries his best to make me feel special from 7,000 miles away.  I have it good!  

Battling the Art of Good Byes; By Andrea Barringer

Battling the Art of Good Byes

By Andrea Barringer

Boot camp is by far NOT the hardest part of dating a man in the Marines, it only gets harder. Saying goodbye to Jeremy when he left for boot was almost like saying goodnight, it took a few days and nights alone to have it really sink in that he was gone… for thirteen long weeks.  During that time I thought to myself, “it cannot get worse than this.” Well, I was wrong.

As dramatic as this sounds, you’ll be okay. Breathe, relax, find a hobby, and time will slip by quicker than you think. After the ten days of leave I had to do it all over again, say goodbye.  I cried a little harder, I hugged much tighter, and I kissed him a little longer. As soon as I jumped into my car tears instantly fell – he was gone again. This time I could feel it in my stomach instantly after we parted ways; it felt hungry, but not for food…. Empty. I thought to myself again, “now it definitely cannot get worse than this.” But Alas, I was definitely wrong.

Fast forward a few months and a few visits to Fort Leonard Wood, where he trained for his MOS, he received his orders on where he would be stationed. We were both happy for the location, and visiting could potentially be easy. I visited him one last time in Missouri before he was shipped off to yet another base. I watched his graduation and held my breath as he walked across to get his certificate and got a chill down my spine when he winked at me when heading back to his seat.  After that it was off to the airport again. We got to spend a few hours together before his flight, just holding each other tightly. Now, I made a point to never cry in front of him when saying good bye, I didn’t want him to feel any guilt or responsibility for my sadness. He gave me this look at the airport and I knew what it meant, he didn’t even have to say the word and I instantly burst into tears. This time I couldn’t hold it back. I cried on his shoulder for at least 20 minutes before his buddy had to peal us apart so he could board his plane. We said our I love you’s one last time in person. And he was gone. One last time I thought, “It seriously could be NO worse than this.” But I know I am going to be totally wrong.

While this sounds terrifying and people will be thinking to themselves “why in the world am I doing this?” I have learned this last year what an immense level of strength I have within my heart. I have learned what emotional lengths I can go to in order to stand by and support the man I love. I have learned that just when I think it’s the hardest… I can fully recover and push through.

Each goodbye may have seemed harder than the last, but you are also getting stronger with every single one.  Just when you think you can’t put your heart through anymore hurt, the broken pieces start to put themselves back together again, you learn to smile again, and you remember why you put yourself through that kind of torture… because loving him is completely worth it. I am fully aware that when his first deployment happens I will be sitting here thinking, “NOTHING is worse than this.” It may take some time to bounce back, but I always do. Grab the support from your friends, family, and fellow MilSOs and I know everyone else can too.

Xoxo

Andrea