Obsessions

Good Morning Chikas!

Today I'm going to just discuss something silly with all my readers out there: your crazy obsessions!  The good thing about obsessions (or at least for me), they tend to zen and center you when you're feeling crazy about life in general.  So, take a look at my crazy:

The Bachelor and The Bachelorette:

I can never get enough drama which is why I love these shows, but I still love me some Reality Steve and can't get enough of his snide comments!  I love him just as much as the shows! 

  

Painting my nails:

I paint my nails between 3-5 times in a week because it's very relaxing to me.  After I've had a really hard day at work and I can't stand to look at any more school work--I paint my nails.  When life around me is crashing down, I know that when you put colored nail polish over a base coat and add the best Fast drying top coat ever, it won't be a disappointment.  (Disclaimer: I didn't paint these, but I loved the design!)

I would love to hear about your obsessions too! Send me an email of you doing one (such as painting your nails, cleaning, making care packages, etc.) and I'll post a picture! 

Best Friend Circle

Good Morning Chikas! 

Several years ago I took a speech class and my teacher so wisely said, "Every person has a circle of people that they let into their little world.  There are only 3 people that you can be genuinely close with at a time and that's okay!  Those people will change over time, so take a look at your life and write down who those current people are for you."

As I pressed my pencil to the blank page I realized how many people I am only acquaintances with.  I call these people my "friends", but our interactions are too formal for them to be considered close friends in my internal circle.  I eventually came up with my list and it wasn't a surprise at all.  The people I chose are people I'm closest with in my life--people I can tell my innermost thoughts to.

Today I decided to take on the challenge again and realized that some people have changed since I last made my list.  I challenge you all to make a list of your own.  I'm all about personal growth and realization--this activity will give you an idea of who your best friends are.  

Katie Walker aka Shanaynay aka Katie Dos:

Katie and I became friends in our Spanish class when we were Sophomores in high school (I didn't realize until later that she thought I was weird when we met as Freshmen).  I sat behind her in class and since we were both named Katie, the teacher got confused as to who was who.  We started off being "Katie 1" and "Katie 2", "Katie Front Desk" and "Katie Back Desk", but eventually we just decided to go with Shanaynay and Shaniqua (I'm Shaniqua!).  That year, Katie Dos was born.  We did just about everything together and we were in the same group of friends.

Now, almost 8 years later, we are still very close.  I had the honor of being in her wedding and getting to stand next to her on her special day.  She is married to a wonderful guy and they just bought a beautiful house!  I couldn't be more proud of her and her many accomplishments.  God has blessed her and I know He will continue to do so!  Love you, best friend!

Momma:

There are so many girls that aren't close with their Moms and I'm glad to say I'm not one of them.  My mom has been there for everything in my life and I know she will as long as she is able.  I don't have a story about how I met my Mom for obvious reasons, but I do know that her pregnancy was miserable and she almost died in childbirth.    

The death of my Grandmama has brought us closer together.  We have to be strong for each other and be a shoulder to cry on in weakness.  In my last blog post I discussed different ways people cope with a loss--my mom is in the "touchy" category.  So, I'm trying my best to make sure my mom gets what she needs to deal with this great loss we are all feeling.  I don't know if I'm helping her a lot, but I'm trying my best.

I love my Mom and I would do anything in the world for her.

Ryan:

Last but not least is the love of my life, Ryan.  We have been through so much while we have been together, but I wouldn't change that for anything.  Every trial that we have faced has made us better people and built our personal characters.  In the year and 9 months that we have been together I have learned so much about myself and how the world works.  Long distance relationships aren't a picnic; however, when you love the person and you want to be better for them--everything seems to fall into place. 

Even if I hate to admit it, he is the reason I figured out what I wanted to study at school, he is the reason I've matured quickly (even if he still acts like a 12 year old boy, but then again all men act like little boys) and he is the reason I started this blog.  Ryan makes me want to be a better person and he wants to be better for me.  Personal betterment along with friendship are both very important in any relationship. 

Who are the three people in your innermost circle? Comment or send me an email! 

Different Coping Mechanisms

With the recent death of my Grandmother I have been at a loss for words.  She was the most wonderful person you could have ever met and and impacted so many lives.  My Grandmama always knew the right thing to say about any given situation.  Her wisdom, council and love will live on in the rest of my family.  She has taught all of us so many things and she will always have a special place in my heart. 

Even though my heart feels broken, I have to go back to being normal.  So, since I'm trying to be normal I will do my best to write a meaningful post this morning.  Excuse me in advance if it isn't up to my normal standards, but I actually learned a lot about myself and my family during the time they spent here.

Different people grieve in different ways.  It's just the same as the different love languages.  You need to understand how people cope in order for them to grieve properly.  When your partner loses a loved one, they are going to be heartbroken and feel empty inside--it's your job as their spouse or Significant Other to understand how to help them cope with their loss.

Loner:
These people are like me.  When something bad happens, they would much rather be alone than in a group full of people.  If they know how their family/spouse copes, they will help them, but for their own sanity they need their personal space.  These people would rather cry alone and stay strong for the rest of the grieving party.  They put on a brave face for the world, but show their emotion in private or with people they are very close to.

Touchy:
This is how the majority of my family handles stress or grief.  These people like to hug out their emotions with other people.  They need to know that you're there for them, so hold their hand and hug them tight.  That's what they need to get out their emotions.  

Optimistic:
These people are usually the ones who will openly talk about the person you've recently lost.  They like to focus on the person and remember the good times with them.  For most people coping with a loss, these people are hard for them to be around.  There is usually a point where the grieving will be able to reminisce, but it usually takes some time before they want to talk openly about their loved one. 

Caregiver:
These people want to make sure they are doing everything that is needed so the rest of the family can grieve.  I find this quality very rare when people are coping, but it's there.  With this quality, there tends to be less opportunity to cry and mourn your loved one.  As the loved one of this type of mourner, just make sure they get their chance to properly grieve the loss.  Most times they are too focused on other people to even realize they haven't said their proper "goodbyes".

"You will lose someone you can't live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved.  But this is also the good news.  They live forever in your broken heart that doesn't seal back up.  And you come through.  It's like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly--that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp." --Anne Lamott

4 things to think about during a fight

After about a 5 month hiatus, I've decided to start blogging again! *Insert clapping and cheering here*  I had stopped blogging because of things that were going on in my personal life and I'm happy to say that I'm back again to stay!

During my time away I have learned a lot about myself, my relationship and I've become even more independent than I was before I started blogging.  I've returned to school and I'm about half way through my first semester as a Biblical Counseling major.  It's a lot harder than I thought it would be, but I'm glad that I decided to go back to school for myself.

To get myself back in the saddle again, I've decided to write a post about fighting in a long distance relationship (these things can be applied to every relationship as well). I don't know about any of my readers out there, but I am fluent in the art of fighting with my man (as he is with me also). We know what buttons to push to make sure we get a rile out of the other one, but that isn't very healthy for the relationship. So, during my little break from blogging, I've come up with tips on how to make your fights with your man productive as opposed to hurtful.

1. There should always a reason for the fights

Sometimes it may just seem like yelling or hurtful words, but you have to remember there is always a reason a fight begins. Whether it's because he had a bad day at work, he doesn't feel like he has anything to do, or maybe it's because of lack of food and/or sleep (this last one is very common with Ryan). As his girl, we need to remember to be sensitive to these emotions he is having. The reason he lashes out at you is because you're closest to him and he thinks that you won't be going anywhere.

However, if either of you are just fighting for the sake of fighting, then stop. If you have to stop talking because of it, so be it. Don't waste the little time you have to talk to him being in a bad mood. That will put a dark cloud over your relationship that's hard to overcome later.

2. Don't shout, communicate

During fights, both parties seem to think that their opinion and their words are the most important. Because of this, there tends to be a lot of shouting over each other and not very much communication. When he is talking, let him get his thought out before you start speaking. This isn't hard to accomplish if you're actually listening to what he is saying rather than thinking of what you're going to say in response.

3. Don't linger on the past

As women, we have the memory of an elephant. We can remember the stupid thing he did on July 21, 2009 and remember exactly why he was so stupid. If it's in the past, leave it there! When you're long distance the last thing either of you needs is to start fighting about something that happened several months, or years ago.

4. Make an effort

If your relationship is like mine, you're stubborn and so is your guy. At times, both of us swallow our pride and admit defeat. There is no way that you are right 100% of the time, so you need to talk it out with your man and try to find a middle ground. It's very difficult when you think you're the right one, but would you rather waste your time on fighting constantly, or enjoy the little time you have with him?

I have an issue with all 4 things on this list and they are things I'm working on to make myself a better person. I'm probably not the only person who has an issue when it comes to these things, so I thought I would put them out there in the open. None of us are perfect and we can all improve upon ourselves. Hopefully this article is eye-opening for those of you who have similar problems like me and aren't sure how to fix them.

Until next time, chickas!

iPhone apps

Today I've decided to share with y'all a few apps that have been very beneficial to me since Ryan has been in the Marine Corps. You should download one or all of these apps and they will make your life a lot easier! 

The first app is Skype. I'm pretty sure everyone knows what Skype is and what you use it for: video chatting. You can also use it to IM, Phone call and leave video messages. Ryan and I have used Skype many a night since he has been away.

I'm going to skip over my weather app and go to my Countdown+ app. This is only available for iPhone and it's fantastic! You can have several countdowns going on at once, it's really user-friendly and you can customize it to look however you want!

Next is my Been together app. This app tracks how long you have been with your S/O in terms of days. I changed it to track the number of days Ryan and I have been apart.

After FaceTime (that's a video chat exclusively for iPhones) there is my kik app. This is a texting app that Ryan and I sometimes use. Since you use it through WiFi we have no issue texting with it since he is in Japan.

My all time favorite is next: Voxer. This app pretty much turns your phone into a walkie talkie. I LOVE this app and would highly recommend it to anyone!

The Couple app is something the two of you can use to keep in touch. You can text, thumb kiss and so much more. I'm not a big fan of this app, but I know several MilSOs who swear by it!

My Facebook messenger app is what Ryan and I use to text the majority of the time. You can also send pictures and voice messages through it.

Have a happy hump day!!!

Out of my comfort zone

Hello, readers! I had a great weekend with my church's college and career class at some caverns several hours away from home. Here's a picture of us before we went into the caves:

Yes, it was a fun time, but now I'm back to the grind! I have work, go running, pick a director's daughter up from school, mail my second package to Japan and continue planning my parent's 25th wedding anniversary party. Needless to say, I'm super busy!

Going back to the list of things I need to do today, running is second. Recently I have decided to "practice what I preach" and do something for myself (Like I stated earlier this month in my "Waiting for Him" post). No, I'm not very good at running, but it's making me feel better about myself. It's helping me feel productive and like I'm accomplishing something.

So, I challenge you all: do something that's out of your comfort zone that will help you feel better about yourself. For me, it's running. But for some of you it could be as simple as wearing a dress to work or school because you're not a "girly girl". The better you feel about yourself, the more confident you will come across to the world. Just like Candace Cameron said on Dancing with the Stars last week, "Confidence is sexy". Confidence is sexy and just because your man is gone doesn't mean you need to stop feeling sexy.

Good luck this week!

How he feels

Since my last post was focusing on my side of "see ya later"s I thought it would be nice to hear how Ryan felt about saying our farewells when he left for Japan. It's interesting to see how our Marines handle leaving us because I've never heard his true feelings about it before. I also thought that there are some girls who doubt whether your man misses you or not (let's face it--men are super unemotional.), but this shows that he does. I'm sure all of your men are thinking just what Ryan was when he had to say "see ya later" to me.

"Saying goodbye to Kat has always been hard but leaving for [Japan] was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Thinking back now, all I remember is that despite how I knew she would always be there for me, I felt like my heart was being ripped out. Often times, that horrible memory of walking through line and onto the airplane ramp comes back to me. I try to block it out but I can't ever fully escape that pain. I can still recall how it felt to let her go from that tight hug, see her cry as I walked away and when I tried to look back and couldn't see her anymore. It felt like my life was over. I texted her as much as I could before the flight attendant called for all cell phones off but it wasn't enough. No words could really help me deal with that sense of loss. All I could do was push on and hope for that one day when it would all be over. The day I could finally hold her again and relax knowing everything was going to be alright. I'm still waiting for that day. Now all I can ever think about is when I'll be able to Skype with her next and when I'll be able to go home next. I can't wait. Being stuck [here] is killing me. I miss her so much. I know that when I get home she will be waiting for me. That next hug will be way [better] than the last one. Everything will be alright."

It's eye opening to see that he feels emotions just as strongly as I do. We will make it through