Let him have fun; By Jasmine Reffner

Let him have fun

By Jasmine Reffner

So have you ever sat there and wondered where your guy was when he was six? I know I can't be the only one who has dreamt, "If I only I met him when we were infants and grew up and fell in love". Yeah, yeah, I daydream like I'm in a teenage RomCom, sue me. I always have this overwhelming sensation of if only. Though, you know what they say about if only, right? Me either I'm just usually told to stop otherwise I'll cry until there's no tomorrow.

Anyway, I'm always lost in what I was doing when I was six. Granted, I'm 21 now so a good percentage of that is foggy and questionable, but it's there. I had one of the best childhoods imaginable. Call me lucky because Capri-Sun and Disney Channel were an unlimited supply in my household. I know I laughed and I know my dad tickled me until I couldn't breathe, but I can't hold onto any concrete memories. That's what I feel like for my man.

I've heard stories and am only able to paint what my mind imagines. When he was six he had books to read and playgrounds to play on, but it's different. He remembers the concrete memories because when he tells me about his books and playgrounds they're always this off shade dark gray with no room for vibrant reds or pastel blues, just gray. He wasn't reading any Clifford books, but ones they make you read in 11th grade English. I mean his mind was always years ahead of his body and I think that's why he looks like a 20-year-old, but is much older in heart.

You're probably asking why any of this matters and thinking that you don't care what I did or he did when we were six, but there's a point I promise. He enlisted for himself because he never saw himself as a man. You hear it everywhere, "Walk in a boy, walk out a man" when they realize he's becoming a Marine. I'm not going to lie he's certainly more of a man than he was when I met him way back when. I think becoming a Marine did that for him. He walked in a boy and sure as hell walked out a man.

So my point. You remember when I said he was far beyond his years at age six? Well between six and 12 he lost something. I couldn't pinpoint what because I don't think it's something physical. He never really had a chance to be a kid. He didn't have Capri-Sun and Disney like I did. He had two parents who loathed each other and a brother who was too little to play like a six year old should play. I guess what I'm trying to say is let him be a kid for once. He has responsibilities and he signed a contract to do his job, but tell him it's okay to have fun.

You are important as his girlfriend, fiancée, or wife, but what if his childhood was taken away before he even knew that it was okay to have fun? Maybe it's just me, but I keep seeing girls, women, left and right complaining they their man is doing something they don't necessarily approve of. Agree with me, don't agree with me, petition me to salute the officer's wife wearing civvies, but you can't deny the fact that they deserve to have fun, too.

The Titanic Theory

Good Morning Gals!

This morning I told Ryan I was going to be writing about my "Titanic Theory" and he rolled his eyes.  From there I asked him if he remembered what my theory was.  He responded, "Katie, it's not really a theory.  It's just about that stupid lifeboat and if you would jump off.  That's not a theory!"  The sad part is, I don't care that he thinks it's stupid--I'm just happy he remembered what it was!

So, here you go peeps, my theory-that-isn't-really-a-theory-theory about Titanic:

I'm obsessed with Titanic and have been since I was a child.  Just the sheer grandeur of the vessel astounds me!  Ladies dressing up in their best attire, staying out late to have dinner and hang with their friends--it just sounds like a circle that this princess could only dream to be part of.

When I watch movies I tend to put myself in the position of the protagonist.  Obviously, I place myself in Rose's position: A 1st class girl who is marrying into money finds a "street rat" and falls in love.  Let me be honest with myself and with you all for a minute--I would love to be rich. I would love to be able to go to the Chanel store and just buy a $5,000 purse with no issue. Rose could have done that. Rose could have Betsey Johnson custom make her a gown and it wouldn't make a dent (at least for her Fiance since he had all the money).  Even if I had all of the money in the world I would like to think that I would choose love.

The movie is one of my favorites because of the scene where Rose jumps off the lifeboat to be with Jack.

This scene always puts a knot in my stomach and poses the question: would I jump off the lifeboat for Ryan?  Would I give up my "free pass" at living so Ryan and I could fight for our lives together?  But then there is another part of me that just thinks I would be dragging Ryan down.  Kinda like this:

It's funny, but true.  I'm a lot like Rose (Jack labeled her as an "indoor girl"), so I don't think I would do well fighting for my life on the Titanic.  However, I'm sure Ryan would rather fight through together than spend our last few hours apart.  When I asked him this morning what he would do if I jumped off the life boat he said, "I would just tell you how stupid you were for pulling that!" Oh, the things we do for love!

What would you do if you were on the Titanic? Abandon ship, or stay with your sweetie?

Just a little "Thank You"

Good Morning gals!

I really am having a brain meltdown this week.  I'm blaming it on the holidays, my birthday coming up and the fact that it snowed yesterday in Texas.  

There are times that I just don't realize how good my life really is.  There are so many girls who have to constantly worry about their boyfriend's life because he is deployed.  I don't have that problem.  I have a boyfriend who calls and texts me as often as he can.  I have a guy who ordered my birthday presents over a month in advance to make sure I got them on time for my special day (even if they have been staring me in the face for several weeks!).  I've recently realized how much I take those things for granted.  Those things have become expectations as opposed to "extras".  I used to thank him all the time for trying his best.  

I'm not the easiest person to please and Ryan tries his best to make me feel special from 7,000 miles away.  I have it good!  

Battling the Art of Good Byes; By Andrea Barringer

Battling the Art of Good Byes

By Andrea Barringer

Boot camp is by far NOT the hardest part of dating a man in the Marines, it only gets harder. Saying goodbye to Jeremy when he left for boot was almost like saying goodnight, it took a few days and nights alone to have it really sink in that he was gone… for thirteen long weeks.  During that time I thought to myself, “it cannot get worse than this.” Well, I was wrong.

As dramatic as this sounds, you’ll be okay. Breathe, relax, find a hobby, and time will slip by quicker than you think. After the ten days of leave I had to do it all over again, say goodbye.  I cried a little harder, I hugged much tighter, and I kissed him a little longer. As soon as I jumped into my car tears instantly fell – he was gone again. This time I could feel it in my stomach instantly after we parted ways; it felt hungry, but not for food…. Empty. I thought to myself again, “now it definitely cannot get worse than this.” But Alas, I was definitely wrong.

Fast forward a few months and a few visits to Fort Leonard Wood, where he trained for his MOS, he received his orders on where he would be stationed. We were both happy for the location, and visiting could potentially be easy. I visited him one last time in Missouri before he was shipped off to yet another base. I watched his graduation and held my breath as he walked across to get his certificate and got a chill down my spine when he winked at me when heading back to his seat.  After that it was off to the airport again. We got to spend a few hours together before his flight, just holding each other tightly. Now, I made a point to never cry in front of him when saying good bye, I didn’t want him to feel any guilt or responsibility for my sadness. He gave me this look at the airport and I knew what it meant, he didn’t even have to say the word and I instantly burst into tears. This time I couldn’t hold it back. I cried on his shoulder for at least 20 minutes before his buddy had to peal us apart so he could board his plane. We said our I love you’s one last time in person. And he was gone. One last time I thought, “It seriously could be NO worse than this.” But I know I am going to be totally wrong.

While this sounds terrifying and people will be thinking to themselves “why in the world am I doing this?” I have learned this last year what an immense level of strength I have within my heart. I have learned what emotional lengths I can go to in order to stand by and support the man I love. I have learned that just when I think it’s the hardest… I can fully recover and push through.

Each goodbye may have seemed harder than the last, but you are also getting stronger with every single one.  Just when you think you can’t put your heart through anymore hurt, the broken pieces start to put themselves back together again, you learn to smile again, and you remember why you put yourself through that kind of torture… because loving him is completely worth it. I am fully aware that when his first deployment happens I will be sitting here thinking, “NOTHING is worse than this.” It may take some time to bounce back, but I always do. Grab the support from your friends, family, and fellow MilSOs and I know everyone else can too.

Xoxo

Andrea

Earning the Title: Fiancé Edition

Good Morning Ladies!

If you are already married to your Marine, this post will not apply to you.  This is for the girls who have a man in boot camp/girls who are getting married to their Marine out of fear so they can be with him: 


In today's society we are all about the instant gratification.  We want what we want and we want it now!  Texting, Social media and alike has turned us all into Veruca Salts.  I don't know about you, but she was never my favorite character on Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.  This causes a problem because we can't function when we have to wait for something.  Sometimes we have to remember the longer you wait for something or earn something--the sweeter it is.  When I was a teenager, my parents wouldn't buy a car for me because they told me I needed to earn it myself.  I didn't really understand the concept until I was older, but I understand the appreciation you get when you wait until you earn what you want. So today, I'm going to talk about earning a title that we all want: Fiancé.  

No, I'm not a Fiancé, but of course I want to be!  What girl hasn't imagined her wedding day: All the beautiful flowers, a string quartet playing as you walk down the aisle with your father, the look on your man's face--every girl has her picture perfect wedding day.  When you get engaged, that means the last piece of the puzzle is in place.  


Because of the "I want it NOW" stage that is society, I see couples getting engaged and married before they are ready.  Now that I've been involved with the Military lifestyle once again, I'm starting to see it more and more.  Here is the typical picture: A girl's boyfriend graduates from boot camp,  he proposes, they get married during his 10 day leave.  I would say that happens to about 15-25% (maybe more) of the girls that see their man graduate boot camp.  If you're ready to take that next step in your relationship, go for it!  But in my experience this probably isn't the wisest choice for you or your new Marine.  

What most girls fail to realize is that getting married to a man in the Military will be a lifestyle change for both of you.  After boot camp a lot of girls feel pressured into getting married because that's the "typical" and romantic thing to do in these types of relationships.  Yes, it happens a lot, but getting married is life changing for both parties.  Think about it: he just finished his first portion of training, he's been brainwashed for 13 weeks and has been made into a killing machine.  He has already gone through 13 weeks of "your life isn't your own, it's the Marine Corps'" and now you're asking him to make another life changing decision right after he has already started the biggest transition of his life.  In my mind, that isn't fair to you or to him. 

What I'm trying to get at is: if you love each other, no amount of distance or time should change that.  Why not put your relationship to the test and try out this lifestyle before making the biggest commitment of your life?  You aren't just marrying him, you're marrying his lifestyle and you need to be okay with that.  Just because you're with him, doesn't mean it will be better.  For example, Ryan and I had talked about getting married while he was in MOS school so he wouldn't be sent to Japan.  Once we decided that was the wrong decision for us, they gave us the news that his Duty Station would be overseas in Oki.  I can't even tell you how heartbroken I was and I was kicking myself thinking, We should have gotten married. How are we going to make it through this unscathed?  Looking back, I'm so glad that we didn't get married because when he arrived at his Duty Station they offered him his dream job.  If we had gotten married he wouldn't have had that opportunity.  In my experience, most single enlisted guys get more opportunities than the married enlisted guys.  I would never want to stand in the way of any opportunity Ryan has ahead of him.  Whether or not our relationship is strong enough to make it through Japan is yet to be seen, but by the end of his time there we will know.  

All of your Marines had to earn the title, "Marine", so why do some of us feel that the title "Wife" or "Fiancé" is something we deserve after only 13 weeks?  There are many other tough times ahead for the two of you, so show your man that you're faithful, loving, caring, understanding and that you can handle this lifestyle.  If you can't handle it as a girlfriend, what makes you think you can handle it as a wife?

Love Languages

Good Morning Gals!

Even though I've talked about the 5 different Love Languages, I still thought I should talk about them.  I have had several conversations with people about this recently, so I thought it best to write my thoughts down in a post for the world to hear! 

What are the different Love Languages?

1. Receiving Gifts

2. Words of Affirmation

3. Acts of Service

4. Physical Touch

5. Quality Time

Why do you need to know your Love Language and your S/O's?

Every relationship functions differently, but if you don't know what your Love Language is, how do you expect your partner to express love in the "correct" way?  Personally, I have had this problem in my relationship before. 

Just picture it: I say, "Ryan, it would be really nice to get a card in the mail or maybe even some yen from Japan! Just something small. It would mean so much to me!" Now Ryan responds with, "We talk and I tell you how much I care. How is that not enough for you?" 

What we have there, ladies and gents, is a major language barrier. Ryan can't understand why the way he communicates his love for me isn't coming across the way he intends it. While I can't comprehend the reason he won't send me something.  The problem is that we aren't speaking the same language and both of us have to be willing to become bilingual.  Yes, it seems pointless to you to clean the toilet, but if your partner speaks "Acts of Service", that could mean the world to her.  Going to play mini-golf might seem stupid to you, but if your partner loves mini-golf and he speaks "Quality Time", do something fun together that he will appreciate. 

Now, to nip something in the bud that has been misconstrued: Physical Touch.  If your love language is Physical Touch that doesn't mean you express love through having intimate relations with your partner.  Physical Touch is meant to be things like hugging your partner when she feels down or holding her hand in the mall so everyone knows that she is your girl.  This Love Language can be very hard to handle in this lifestyle since the times we are physically with our loved ones isn't very often.  Just try and make the best of any situation.

All of that to say, learn your partner's Love Language.  It will make communicating with them easier and you will get a better understanding of who they are.  We all want to feel loved, so show your partner you love them in a way they will understand.

Find out your Love Language 

Friends; By Ella Young

Friends.

By Ella Young

Recently a friend on Facebook shared a meme that really stuck a cord.

When I began this journey as Marine Mom I had no idea all the people I would “meet” along the way and what their presence in my life would mean.

A mom in my recruit parent support group became my “battle buddy” and later my BFF. She became my confidant, my one on one support system when no one else understands. We have shared our happy moments, our sad moments and our fears. Not one day has gone by without a text or message between each other. Our friendship isn’t just about being Mothers of a Marine but friends who care about each other and our families. A friendship that wasn’t expected but definitely a gift!

Over a year later and we are still great friends. I have been lucky enough to spend time with her and her family though she is hundreds of miles away. That being said she is also just a quick text or phone call away.

The bond and connections I have made with other MoM’s is pretty incredible. This journey has been a roller coaster of emotions. Only another MoM understands the white knuckle ride this can be.

 As my son continues on his journey I know I can count on these amazing ladies to build me up when I’m feeling down. It’s all about support and love. 

This family of mine also includes a couple of ladies I like to call my daughters. As I have come to know them it didn’t take long to realize how special they are in addition to beautiful, smart and loving. The Marines in their lives are so lucky to have them! I enjoy my conversations with them and feel glad that they are willing to share conversations with me, good and bad. As my BFF says, it’s not always rainbows and unicorns.

So my friends never forget just how special you are to me.