Elle Woods' Guide: Getting through a Break Up

Good Morning Gals!

I was waiting to post this because I knew it would be my last entry. I will not be blogging any more and the heading of this post explains why. I'm going to miss writing my little words of wisdom, but I can find another hobby! Or better yet...maybe start a different blog! :) 

We have all had moments like this in a relationship:

Sometimes, it is enough. However, most of the time if you're in a relationship like Elle was in--it's not going to work out and you're on the road to a break up.

After the initial break up you will go through phases:

Denial

Anger

Self-Loathing

Acceptance 

What you should do:
Spend a lot of time with Family and friends
When Elle traveled to Harvard she left a lot of her friends behind. Even though they were far, she still talked to them on the phone. Not to mention she made some new friends along her journey. (Thank heaven for chick flicks!) 

Do something for yourself
Because a break up can do some bad things to your self image. So, go out and do something that makes you feel pretty, loved and wanted. Every time you saw Elle outside of class, she was usually making herself look fabulous at the local salon! She also met one of her closest friends there. You never know the people you're gonna meet, so go out and make friends! 

Put the phone down
Yeah, he would text you all day, every day. That's why you need to step away from your phone (and Facebook). If you have it on your person 24/7 you'll be waiting for a text from him right after the break up. 
Legally Blonde was made in 2001, so Elle didn't have to deal with all the social media pressures of today.

Use this time to find yourself
For the past X years or X months you've been attached at the hip to your man. It's hard redefining yourself, but you can do it. You're no longer "Samantha 'n' Blake". Now you're just "Samantha". Instead of resenting that, embrace it! Be your own person! Elle kind of missed the mark on this when she followed Warner to Harvard, but if she hadn't done that she wouldn't have found her passion! 

Work out
The picture below says it all:

Accomplish your goals
Just because you're single doesn't mean you can give up on yourself! Keep going for your dreams, like Elle did! Even when she knew that a relationship with Warner wasn't going to work out

What you shouldn't do:
Enter a relationship right away
Elle Woods did find love in the movie, but she wasn't looking for it. If you enter a relationship right away you can't give your new man your whole heart and that's what he deserves. If you want your happily ever after, give yourself some time to heal before you get into another serious relationship.

Harm yourself or others

We all think that the end of your relationship will be the end of our world, but it won't. Don't do physical harm to yourself because you believe that's what you're supposed to do. Try lifting yourself up instead! To make herself and everyone around her feel better, Elle used the snap cup to aid in complimenting other people!

My last point for this post is: 

At the end of it all, don't let this break up change you or get you down! You are going to be worth it to some one. Don't let this one guy make you unfocused on who you are or what you're trying to accomplish. 

What guys think about

Hey Gals!

I'm working on a pretty heavy post for later this week and it's been consuming a lot of my time, so today I just want to share one piece of information with you that you might want to think about: 

This is truth. I can't tell you how many times I ask Ryan what he is thinking and he says, "Nothin'". In reality, he is probably thinking about this: 

Or this:

Don't fight it--embrace it! I told Ryan a few weeks ago that I would try to get into whatever games he likes just so we could spend time together doing something he enjoys. Try it!

Either at the end of this week or the beginning of next week I will share the post that's been eating away at all my time! I'm very proud of it, but I'm just waiting for the right time to post it! 

Censoring your Facebook Posts

Good morning gals!

I've never been a fan of over advertising my relationship. Yeah, some mushy things here and there don't bother me, but when you're constantly posting about how happy/unhappy you are with your man--us mortals tend to get annoyed. Today I'm going to give you a few instances as to why this would be annoying to some of us and how to fix that.

Excessively posting in a group:
Positive Posting:
It's always great when your man comes home on leave and we all want to brag about it! But while you're bragging, just remember that there are some girls who are still separated from their man. Try to be sensitive to every one's feelings in the group! Take your moment, but give other girls their moment as well! Remember, this lifestyle is all about being understanding!

Negative Posting: 
I have said this before and I will say it again--Think before you post! If post something that might cause mass panic, don't post it! Emotions in this lifestyle always seem to run high and you can't post everything negative that's going on with your guy. This won't only cause you to panic more, but it will cause every mom, girlfriend, wife, dad, etc., to panic as well.

On that same note, don't air your dirty laundry out in a Facebook group. Your relationship is your business! Talking to a friend one-on-one is usually better and (at least for me), it's very calming. When you post in a Facebook group it tends to be a "free for all" where all your girlfriends gang up on your man. Honestly, that's not cool. How would you feel if he did that with his friends every time you got in a fight?

What You can do instead:
Talk to a friend one-on-one about your issues. Don't make it a "bashing session" (even though sometimes we need to vent), but instead look for counsel from a friend you trust. This is a healthier way to deal with the ups and downs this lifestyle tends to come with.

Excessively posting on your Facebook:
Negative/Positive Posting:
I'm not going to sugar coat anything about this one. No one cares. 80-90% of your Facebook friends probably aren't MilSOs (unless you add random girls you've never talked to) and they just don't care. They don't care that you haven't seen him in over 100 days. They don't really want to see what you have to say. What they do seem to like is pictures! But, who doesn't like pictures?!

Keep your posting to a minimum. If you post all the time you don't give anyone a chance to be happy or sad for you. It's like in Everybody loves Raymond: Frank and Marie are over at Ray and Deborah's house all the time they don't give anyone the chance to miss them! Give us all a chance to miss you and your posts! This isn't Twitter, people!

What you can do instead:
Create a list of people that you know would care about those posts! My list is called "MilSO". It has all of the MilSO friends I've added and on posts I know only they care about I make it only visible to them. Facebook makes it very easy for us!

Excessively posting to his Facebook Wall:
Negative/Positive Posting:
There is something that we all need to remember, he is a Marine. To you he is the love of your life, but to his friends and fellow Marines he is supposed to be a machine. Those are his "bros" and he has to hold a certain image so he doesn't get tortured by said "bros". Be sensitive to that! Don't go posting sweet nothings to his wall 1,000,000,000 times a day because you miss him. I promise you his friends will never let him live it down. As Ryan always says, "Happy man is the plan!" So, keep him happy!

What you can do instead: 
Send him something personal like a text or a message. It will make him smile to see something sweet from you when he gets off work or wakes up! Try not to keep your conversations mushy and serious all the time! Have fun with each other! Yeah, he is far and you miss him, but keep the laughter alive in your relationship!

Let him have fun; By Jasmine Reffner

Let him have fun

By Jasmine Reffner

So have you ever sat there and wondered where your guy was when he was six? I know I can't be the only one who has dreamt, "If I only I met him when we were infants and grew up and fell in love". Yeah, yeah, I daydream like I'm in a teenage RomCom, sue me. I always have this overwhelming sensation of if only. Though, you know what they say about if only, right? Me either I'm just usually told to stop otherwise I'll cry until there's no tomorrow.

Anyway, I'm always lost in what I was doing when I was six. Granted, I'm 21 now so a good percentage of that is foggy and questionable, but it's there. I had one of the best childhoods imaginable. Call me lucky because Capri-Sun and Disney Channel were an unlimited supply in my household. I know I laughed and I know my dad tickled me until I couldn't breathe, but I can't hold onto any concrete memories. That's what I feel like for my man.

I've heard stories and am only able to paint what my mind imagines. When he was six he had books to read and playgrounds to play on, but it's different. He remembers the concrete memories because when he tells me about his books and playgrounds they're always this off shade dark gray with no room for vibrant reds or pastel blues, just gray. He wasn't reading any Clifford books, but ones they make you read in 11th grade English. I mean his mind was always years ahead of his body and I think that's why he looks like a 20-year-old, but is much older in heart.

You're probably asking why any of this matters and thinking that you don't care what I did or he did when we were six, but there's a point I promise. He enlisted for himself because he never saw himself as a man. You hear it everywhere, "Walk in a boy, walk out a man" when they realize he's becoming a Marine. I'm not going to lie he's certainly more of a man than he was when I met him way back when. I think becoming a Marine did that for him. He walked in a boy and sure as hell walked out a man.

So my point. You remember when I said he was far beyond his years at age six? Well between six and 12 he lost something. I couldn't pinpoint what because I don't think it's something physical. He never really had a chance to be a kid. He didn't have Capri-Sun and Disney like I did. He had two parents who loathed each other and a brother who was too little to play like a six year old should play. I guess what I'm trying to say is let him be a kid for once. He has responsibilities and he signed a contract to do his job, but tell him it's okay to have fun.

You are important as his girlfriend, fiancée, or wife, but what if his childhood was taken away before he even knew that it was okay to have fun? Maybe it's just me, but I keep seeing girls, women, left and right complaining they their man is doing something they don't necessarily approve of. Agree with me, don't agree with me, petition me to salute the officer's wife wearing civvies, but you can't deny the fact that they deserve to have fun, too.

The Titanic Theory

Good Morning Gals!

This morning I told Ryan I was going to be writing about my "Titanic Theory" and he rolled his eyes.  From there I asked him if he remembered what my theory was.  He responded, "Katie, it's not really a theory.  It's just about that stupid lifeboat and if you would jump off.  That's not a theory!"  The sad part is, I don't care that he thinks it's stupid--I'm just happy he remembered what it was!

So, here you go peeps, my theory-that-isn't-really-a-theory-theory about Titanic:

I'm obsessed with Titanic and have been since I was a child.  Just the sheer grandeur of the vessel astounds me!  Ladies dressing up in their best attire, staying out late to have dinner and hang with their friends--it just sounds like a circle that this princess could only dream to be part of.

When I watch movies I tend to put myself in the position of the protagonist.  Obviously, I place myself in Rose's position: A 1st class girl who is marrying into money finds a "street rat" and falls in love.  Let me be honest with myself and with you all for a minute--I would love to be rich. I would love to be able to go to the Chanel store and just buy a $5,000 purse with no issue. Rose could have done that. Rose could have Betsey Johnson custom make her a gown and it wouldn't make a dent (at least for her Fiance since he had all the money).  Even if I had all of the money in the world I would like to think that I would choose love.

The movie is one of my favorites because of the scene where Rose jumps off the lifeboat to be with Jack.

This scene always puts a knot in my stomach and poses the question: would I jump off the lifeboat for Ryan?  Would I give up my "free pass" at living so Ryan and I could fight for our lives together?  But then there is another part of me that just thinks I would be dragging Ryan down.  Kinda like this:

It's funny, but true.  I'm a lot like Rose (Jack labeled her as an "indoor girl"), so I don't think I would do well fighting for my life on the Titanic.  However, I'm sure Ryan would rather fight through together than spend our last few hours apart.  When I asked him this morning what he would do if I jumped off the life boat he said, "I would just tell you how stupid you were for pulling that!" Oh, the things we do for love!

What would you do if you were on the Titanic? Abandon ship, or stay with your sweetie?

Just a little "Thank You"

Good Morning gals!

I really am having a brain meltdown this week.  I'm blaming it on the holidays, my birthday coming up and the fact that it snowed yesterday in Texas.  

There are times that I just don't realize how good my life really is.  There are so many girls who have to constantly worry about their boyfriend's life because he is deployed.  I don't have that problem.  I have a boyfriend who calls and texts me as often as he can.  I have a guy who ordered my birthday presents over a month in advance to make sure I got them on time for my special day (even if they have been staring me in the face for several weeks!).  I've recently realized how much I take those things for granted.  Those things have become expectations as opposed to "extras".  I used to thank him all the time for trying his best.  

I'm not the easiest person to please and Ryan tries his best to make me feel special from 7,000 miles away.  I have it good!  

Battling the Art of Good Byes; By Andrea Barringer

Battling the Art of Good Byes

By Andrea Barringer

Boot camp is by far NOT the hardest part of dating a man in the Marines, it only gets harder. Saying goodbye to Jeremy when he left for boot was almost like saying goodnight, it took a few days and nights alone to have it really sink in that he was gone… for thirteen long weeks.  During that time I thought to myself, “it cannot get worse than this.” Well, I was wrong.

As dramatic as this sounds, you’ll be okay. Breathe, relax, find a hobby, and time will slip by quicker than you think. After the ten days of leave I had to do it all over again, say goodbye.  I cried a little harder, I hugged much tighter, and I kissed him a little longer. As soon as I jumped into my car tears instantly fell – he was gone again. This time I could feel it in my stomach instantly after we parted ways; it felt hungry, but not for food…. Empty. I thought to myself again, “now it definitely cannot get worse than this.” But Alas, I was definitely wrong.

Fast forward a few months and a few visits to Fort Leonard Wood, where he trained for his MOS, he received his orders on where he would be stationed. We were both happy for the location, and visiting could potentially be easy. I visited him one last time in Missouri before he was shipped off to yet another base. I watched his graduation and held my breath as he walked across to get his certificate and got a chill down my spine when he winked at me when heading back to his seat.  After that it was off to the airport again. We got to spend a few hours together before his flight, just holding each other tightly. Now, I made a point to never cry in front of him when saying good bye, I didn’t want him to feel any guilt or responsibility for my sadness. He gave me this look at the airport and I knew what it meant, he didn’t even have to say the word and I instantly burst into tears. This time I couldn’t hold it back. I cried on his shoulder for at least 20 minutes before his buddy had to peal us apart so he could board his plane. We said our I love you’s one last time in person. And he was gone. One last time I thought, “It seriously could be NO worse than this.” But I know I am going to be totally wrong.

While this sounds terrifying and people will be thinking to themselves “why in the world am I doing this?” I have learned this last year what an immense level of strength I have within my heart. I have learned what emotional lengths I can go to in order to stand by and support the man I love. I have learned that just when I think it’s the hardest… I can fully recover and push through.

Each goodbye may have seemed harder than the last, but you are also getting stronger with every single one.  Just when you think you can’t put your heart through anymore hurt, the broken pieces start to put themselves back together again, you learn to smile again, and you remember why you put yourself through that kind of torture… because loving him is completely worth it. I am fully aware that when his first deployment happens I will be sitting here thinking, “NOTHING is worse than this.” It may take some time to bounce back, but I always do. Grab the support from your friends, family, and fellow MilSOs and I know everyone else can too.

Xoxo

Andrea

Earning the Title: Fiancé Edition

Good Morning Ladies!

If you are already married to your Marine, this post will not apply to you.  This is for the girls who have a man in boot camp/girls who are getting married to their Marine out of fear so they can be with him: 


In today's society we are all about the instant gratification.  We want what we want and we want it now!  Texting, Social media and alike has turned us all into Veruca Salts.  I don't know about you, but she was never my favorite character on Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.  This causes a problem because we can't function when we have to wait for something.  Sometimes we have to remember the longer you wait for something or earn something--the sweeter it is.  When I was a teenager, my parents wouldn't buy a car for me because they told me I needed to earn it myself.  I didn't really understand the concept until I was older, but I understand the appreciation you get when you wait until you earn what you want. So today, I'm going to talk about earning a title that we all want: Fiancé.  

No, I'm not a Fiancé, but of course I want to be!  What girl hasn't imagined her wedding day: All the beautiful flowers, a string quartet playing as you walk down the aisle with your father, the look on your man's face--every girl has her picture perfect wedding day.  When you get engaged, that means the last piece of the puzzle is in place.  


Because of the "I want it NOW" stage that is society, I see couples getting engaged and married before they are ready.  Now that I've been involved with the Military lifestyle once again, I'm starting to see it more and more.  Here is the typical picture: A girl's boyfriend graduates from boot camp,  he proposes, they get married during his 10 day leave.  I would say that happens to about 15-25% (maybe more) of the girls that see their man graduate boot camp.  If you're ready to take that next step in your relationship, go for it!  But in my experience this probably isn't the wisest choice for you or your new Marine.  

What most girls fail to realize is that getting married to a man in the Military will be a lifestyle change for both of you.  After boot camp a lot of girls feel pressured into getting married because that's the "typical" and romantic thing to do in these types of relationships.  Yes, it happens a lot, but getting married is life changing for both parties.  Think about it: he just finished his first portion of training, he's been brainwashed for 13 weeks and has been made into a killing machine.  He has already gone through 13 weeks of "your life isn't your own, it's the Marine Corps'" and now you're asking him to make another life changing decision right after he has already started the biggest transition of his life.  In my mind, that isn't fair to you or to him. 

What I'm trying to get at is: if you love each other, no amount of distance or time should change that.  Why not put your relationship to the test and try out this lifestyle before making the biggest commitment of your life?  You aren't just marrying him, you're marrying his lifestyle and you need to be okay with that.  Just because you're with him, doesn't mean it will be better.  For example, Ryan and I had talked about getting married while he was in MOS school so he wouldn't be sent to Japan.  Once we decided that was the wrong decision for us, they gave us the news that his Duty Station would be overseas in Oki.  I can't even tell you how heartbroken I was and I was kicking myself thinking, We should have gotten married. How are we going to make it through this unscathed?  Looking back, I'm so glad that we didn't get married because when he arrived at his Duty Station they offered him his dream job.  If we had gotten married he wouldn't have had that opportunity.  In my experience, most single enlisted guys get more opportunities than the married enlisted guys.  I would never want to stand in the way of any opportunity Ryan has ahead of him.  Whether or not our relationship is strong enough to make it through Japan is yet to be seen, but by the end of his time there we will know.  

All of your Marines had to earn the title, "Marine", so why do some of us feel that the title "Wife" or "Fiancé" is something we deserve after only 13 weeks?  There are many other tough times ahead for the two of you, so show your man that you're faithful, loving, caring, understanding and that you can handle this lifestyle.  If you can't handle it as a girlfriend, what makes you think you can handle it as a wife?

Love Languages

Good Morning Gals!

Even though I've talked about the 5 different Love Languages, I still thought I should talk about them.  I have had several conversations with people about this recently, so I thought it best to write my thoughts down in a post for the world to hear! 

What are the different Love Languages?

1. Receiving Gifts

2. Words of Affirmation

3. Acts of Service

4. Physical Touch

5. Quality Time

Why do you need to know your Love Language and your S/O's?

Every relationship functions differently, but if you don't know what your Love Language is, how do you expect your partner to express love in the "correct" way?  Personally, I have had this problem in my relationship before. 

Just picture it: I say, "Ryan, it would be really nice to get a card in the mail or maybe even some yen from Japan! Just something small. It would mean so much to me!" Now Ryan responds with, "We talk and I tell you how much I care. How is that not enough for you?" 

What we have there, ladies and gents, is a major language barrier. Ryan can't understand why the way he communicates his love for me isn't coming across the way he intends it. While I can't comprehend the reason he won't send me something.  The problem is that we aren't speaking the same language and both of us have to be willing to become bilingual.  Yes, it seems pointless to you to clean the toilet, but if your partner speaks "Acts of Service", that could mean the world to her.  Going to play mini-golf might seem stupid to you, but if your partner loves mini-golf and he speaks "Quality Time", do something fun together that he will appreciate. 

Now, to nip something in the bud that has been misconstrued: Physical Touch.  If your love language is Physical Touch that doesn't mean you express love through having intimate relations with your partner.  Physical Touch is meant to be things like hugging your partner when she feels down or holding her hand in the mall so everyone knows that she is your girl.  This Love Language can be very hard to handle in this lifestyle since the times we are physically with our loved ones isn't very often.  Just try and make the best of any situation.

All of that to say, learn your partner's Love Language.  It will make communicating with them easier and you will get a better understanding of who they are.  We all want to feel loved, so show your partner you love them in a way they will understand.

Find out your Love Language 

Friends; By Ella Young

Friends.

By Ella Young

Recently a friend on Facebook shared a meme that really stuck a cord.

When I began this journey as Marine Mom I had no idea all the people I would “meet” along the way and what their presence in my life would mean.

A mom in my recruit parent support group became my “battle buddy” and later my BFF. She became my confidant, my one on one support system when no one else understands. We have shared our happy moments, our sad moments and our fears. Not one day has gone by without a text or message between each other. Our friendship isn’t just about being Mothers of a Marine but friends who care about each other and our families. A friendship that wasn’t expected but definitely a gift!

Over a year later and we are still great friends. I have been lucky enough to spend time with her and her family though she is hundreds of miles away. That being said she is also just a quick text or phone call away.

The bond and connections I have made with other MoM’s is pretty incredible. This journey has been a roller coaster of emotions. Only another MoM understands the white knuckle ride this can be.

 As my son continues on his journey I know I can count on these amazing ladies to build me up when I’m feeling down. It’s all about support and love. 

This family of mine also includes a couple of ladies I like to call my daughters. As I have come to know them it didn’t take long to realize how special they are in addition to beautiful, smart and loving. The Marines in their lives are so lucky to have them! I enjoy my conversations with them and feel glad that they are willing to share conversations with me, good and bad. As my BFF says, it’s not always rainbows and unicorns.

So my friends never forget just how special you are to me.

Overcoming Other Relationships

Morning Chikas!

Today's post is going to be more of a rant, so I'm sorry in advance.  I hope I don't step on any toes once again! 

Recently I've seen a lot of MilSOs putting their friends in "normal" relationships on blast.  They seem to think that because these girls see their man every day they don't have a right to be upset when their man goes away for any length of time.  Today, I'm going to try and help my MilSO friends overcome these feelings:

Perspective
She may see her boyfriend every day, but that doesn't give you license to belittle her when her man goes away for a weekend, week, etc.  You could be sitting complaining about not having seen your man in 6 months when there are other ladies who haven't seen their man in a year or more.  Before you judge girls in "normal" relationships for complaining, think about other ladies who have it worse than you.  Your situation could always be worse!  Try to keep that in mind next time you see a post about a friend's boyfriend or hubby going away for any length of time.

I would encourage you to enlighten your friends as to how everyone's situation could be worse--whether you're in a "normal" relationship or in a relationship with someone in the military.  Just remember, don't attack--enlighten.

Understanding
I tend to use the word "ignorant" a lot when speaking of girls who are in "normal" relationships.  Ignorant has a negative connotation, but I'm not meaning it in a negative way.  The definition Merriam-Webster gives us is:

The second definition is how I'm meaning for the word to be taken: Unaware, Uninformed.  That's all your friends in "normal" relationships know, so why do we always feel the need to bash the fact that they get to see their men every day?  It's not fair of us to get upset with them for being unaware of our circumstances.  

Keep Scrolling

Let's face it, most of our frustrations come from Facebook and other social media.  Either you like what you see, or you don't.  My mother always said to me "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all!"  So, when it comes to Social Media you just have to...

Listen to Dory, people!  Social media has enough drama already without all of us MilSOs getting into it with others as well as each other.  

Hopefully this was thought-provoking and eye-opening.  

Until next time!

Sacrifice or Compromise?

Good Morning Chikas!

I don't know about the rest of you, but I always feel like I'm the one who is bending and "giving in" in my relationship.  I find myself constantly saying: Why don't you make some sacrifices for once in this relationship!  What I sometimes fail to realize is that my man is thinking the same thing about me.  It's all in the way you look at things.  For example, your boyfriend calls you in the middle of the night because that's the only time he has available.  You see it as you making the sacrifice because he is calling you while you should be asleep; however, he sees it as a sacrifice for him because he is calling you in the middle of the day and had to rush across base to get WiFi so y'all could talk. 

I know I'm not the only one who gets too caught up in "me, me, me" to realize everything that he does to show me he cares.  Sometimes that is forgotten when you're only looking at what you're bringing to the table.  It's not about who is making a sacrifice in the relationship--it's all about compromise!

Even if you feel like you're making a "sacrifice" you aren't.  You both need to learn how to compromise in your relationship. The key word here is both.  This (just like everything in your relationship) is a team effort!  Just something to think about today!

Have a slammin' Tuesday!

The Basics After Basic Training; By Beth Tousley

The Basics After Basic Training

Beth Tousley

Hey ladies! I want to first off let you know I count it an enormous privilege to write to you all. When Katie asked me to take on one of her blog spots, I was truly honored.

My name is Beth. I met my man right before he entered the United States Air Force Academy (USAFA) in Colorado Springs. Following that were four years of long distance dating and 16 months of military spouse life. A lot of the stuff I have to share will probably be nothing new to you all. (I know because I read a lot of it while I was waiting for Nathan to graduate) But, it rings especially true now. Hopefully, I can put a fresh spin on some military SO basics.

Remember It’s a Gift

If you’ve been dating your SO long distance for any amount of time, you probably figured this one out. Dating long distance is a gift and it has major perks. Before too many eyebrows are exerted in the prolonged, sarcastically cocked position, let me explain. We have the opportunity to have the best of both worlds. We get the security of loving and being loved by someone special (and, in all likelihood, incredibly good-looking, considering the effect of a U.S. military uniform). We have a reason to plan trips, dream of the future, write letters, and look forward to the holidays. On the other hand, we have the time and the freedom to enrich our girlfriend bonds, to mentor someone, to capitalize on our personal hobbies, and advance our own education and/or career.  We’ve got it *made*! For me, at least, I know it was perfect. I really value my freedom and independence, but I also reveled in the mutual support channeled between Nathan and myself during our years apart. Sure, we could stay at home, yank a carton of ice cream out of the freezer, and sit there feeling sorry for ourselves; but, we’d be missing out on the fantastic gift in our lap—right underneath that bowl mounded with scoops of rocky road.

Tie A Rock To Expectations and Throw Them In the River

The name of the game is flexibility, ladies. Just because he’s able to call you every night one week, doesn’t mean he’ll have the time (or consciousness) to do the same next week. He sent you roses last year for your anniversary, but a dozen red ones may not magically appear at your door this time. Expectations are dangerous things. They can’t be fulfilled one hundred percent of the time; and when they aren’t, bitterness germinates. The best thing to do is to drown them.

Now, that being said, there is a huge difference between unspoken expectations (bad) and clearly-communicated ground rules (good). When both of you understand what’s important to the other, you’ll be able to read and predict each other with more precision. It will lead to less disappointment and prevent any toxic resentment from polluting your communication.

Knock Jealousy Unconscious and Throw It In the River Too

When Nathan was away at the academy, he got on the debate team. Great. He had friends on the debate team. Great. He had *female* friends on the debate team. …Hmmm. Ok. He had female friends on his debate team that were pretty. …hmmm. Not so ok. He had pretty female friends on the debate team who posted pics on FB of them standing beside him—and they wrote on his timeline. *Loads Uzi* *Adjusts mirror sunglasses* Ok. This woman is goin’ down. It was really sad, actually. I had it in for a particular girl who debated with him. Every time I saw her face in a picture, it chafed at my insides. I stalked her photos. I prayed she’d have an outbreak of acne or obesity—or both. I tried not to let on how I felt to Nathan directly—besides, he always had some lame excuse like she was dating someone else, or she was engaged now or something like that. I’ve gotta admit, I breathed a sigh of relief when she finally got married.

Okay. You can laugh at my overreaction (or maybe empathize), but I think all of us feel at a disadvantage as military SOs. We’re jealous of the girls who are lucky enough to be in the same town as their boyfriends—the ones who have more money for travel to their military men—the ones who get to wear fatigues beside our men. We feel cheated. We’re on our guard. We feel like every other female is a threat in some way. It’s gotta stop, ladies. Jealousy will poison our relationships and eventually translate as mistrust to our SOs in uniform if we let it fester. We’re in this together, girls. This isn’t a beauty pageant (neither is it a money or proximity contest). Too many of us are trying to turn this into a weird version of The Hunger Games (myself included) while we fail to realize we can *all* win; it’s not a story of kill or be killed. We can lift each other up and cheer for everyone.

Befriend the World

Right on the heels of chucking jealousy, I want to address the habit of befriending the world. If you’re with your military man for the long haul (and I hope that’s what you all have in mind), your social survival hinges on your ability to make friends out of strangers. It begins when you toss out your own insecurities and inhibitions, and seek to reach out to those around you. Frankly, I’m the type of person who loves striking up a discussion about different kinds of tomatoes in the produce department; but, for some people it may take more of an effort to go that extra mile to make human contact. It might be easier to look for needs and fulfill them—e.g. Helping a neighbor struggling to take out the trash, baking cookies for your SO and his buddies, writing a random note of encouragement to your mailman, giving the commissary bagger an extra large tip. So much of this feeds a mindset that helps with PCS moves as you adjust to and embrace a brand new community. It’s important to be a part of your surroundings, and nothing grafts you in quite as easily as reaching out and meeting small needs in your own neighborhood. Befriend the world and you will never be lonely. One of my favorite quotes of all time is the simple phrase “Never regret a kindness.” It always comes back to you.

What do you ladies think? Do you have any stories to backup (or refute) any of these points? Anything you would add? 

"Knight in Shining Armour"

Morning Chikas!

I really feel like I've been such a downer lately and I'm sorry for that.  Today isn't going to be a particularly peppy post either, so brace yourselves!

 I have been told that my sense of love and romanticism is severely warped.  This could be true, but I don't think there is a girl who doesn't want their Knight in Shining Armour to save them from the crazy wiles of this world.  This is a cheesy concept and every girl might not want to admit it, but she wants someone who will fight for her.  Girls want to feel protected, loved and taken care of.  It's just part of our nature!

Lately, I have tried to be realistic about the KISA (Knight in Shining Armour): I tend to think of this concept too literally (like I did when I was a little girl).  I find the need to feel "saved" so much that I have way too many expectations out of my relationship.  I will totally admit that sometimes I expect the "happily ever after" where Ryan and I ride white horses off into the sunset.  That's not reality.

I know I'm not alone in all of these things.  When girls enter this lifestyle with their boyfriend or husband, they come with the expectation their hero will save them from anything.  What we sometimes fail to understand is that our KISA is off fighting his own monsters.  He often doesn't have time to coddle us because of our false sense of what a "fairy tale" ending is.  Your Knight in Shining Armour needs you to be emotionally strong and stable because he won't always be there to slay your dragons for you.  We need to learn to slay our own dragons!

Obsessions

Good Morning Chikas!

Today I'm going to just discuss something silly with all my readers out there: your crazy obsessions!  The good thing about obsessions (or at least for me), they tend to zen and center you when you're feeling crazy about life in general.  So, take a look at my crazy:

The Bachelor and The Bachelorette:

I can never get enough drama which is why I love these shows, but I still love me some Reality Steve and can't get enough of his snide comments!  I love him just as much as the shows! 

  

Painting my nails:

I paint my nails between 3-5 times in a week because it's very relaxing to me.  After I've had a really hard day at work and I can't stand to look at any more school work--I paint my nails.  When life around me is crashing down, I know that when you put colored nail polish over a base coat and add the best Fast drying top coat ever, it won't be a disappointment.  (Disclaimer: I didn't paint these, but I loved the design!)

I would love to hear about your obsessions too! Send me an email of you doing one (such as painting your nails, cleaning, making care packages, etc.) and I'll post a picture! 

Best Friend Circle

Good Morning Chikas! 

Several years ago I took a speech class and my teacher so wisely said, "Every person has a circle of people that they let into their little world.  There are only 3 people that you can be genuinely close with at a time and that's okay!  Those people will change over time, so take a look at your life and write down who those current people are for you."

As I pressed my pencil to the blank page I realized how many people I am only acquaintances with.  I call these people my "friends", but our interactions are too formal for them to be considered close friends in my internal circle.  I eventually came up with my list and it wasn't a surprise at all.  The people I chose are people I'm closest with in my life--people I can tell my innermost thoughts to.

Today I decided to take on the challenge again and realized that some people have changed since I last made my list.  I challenge you all to make a list of your own.  I'm all about personal growth and realization--this activity will give you an idea of who your best friends are.  

Katie Walker aka Shanaynay aka Katie Dos:

Katie and I became friends in our Spanish class when we were Sophomores in high school (I didn't realize until later that she thought I was weird when we met as Freshmen).  I sat behind her in class and since we were both named Katie, the teacher got confused as to who was who.  We started off being "Katie 1" and "Katie 2", "Katie Front Desk" and "Katie Back Desk", but eventually we just decided to go with Shanaynay and Shaniqua (I'm Shaniqua!).  That year, Katie Dos was born.  We did just about everything together and we were in the same group of friends.

Now, almost 8 years later, we are still very close.  I had the honor of being in her wedding and getting to stand next to her on her special day.  She is married to a wonderful guy and they just bought a beautiful house!  I couldn't be more proud of her and her many accomplishments.  God has blessed her and I know He will continue to do so!  Love you, best friend!

Momma:

There are so many girls that aren't close with their Moms and I'm glad to say I'm not one of them.  My mom has been there for everything in my life and I know she will as long as she is able.  I don't have a story about how I met my Mom for obvious reasons, but I do know that her pregnancy was miserable and she almost died in childbirth.    

The death of my Grandmama has brought us closer together.  We have to be strong for each other and be a shoulder to cry on in weakness.  In my last blog post I discussed different ways people cope with a loss--my mom is in the "touchy" category.  So, I'm trying my best to make sure my mom gets what she needs to deal with this great loss we are all feeling.  I don't know if I'm helping her a lot, but I'm trying my best.

I love my Mom and I would do anything in the world for her.

Ryan:

Last but not least is the love of my life, Ryan.  We have been through so much while we have been together, but I wouldn't change that for anything.  Every trial that we have faced has made us better people and built our personal characters.  In the year and 9 months that we have been together I have learned so much about myself and how the world works.  Long distance relationships aren't a picnic; however, when you love the person and you want to be better for them--everything seems to fall into place. 

Even if I hate to admit it, he is the reason I figured out what I wanted to study at school, he is the reason I've matured quickly (even if he still acts like a 12 year old boy, but then again all men act like little boys) and he is the reason I started this blog.  Ryan makes me want to be a better person and he wants to be better for me.  Personal betterment along with friendship are both very important in any relationship. 

Who are the three people in your innermost circle? Comment or send me an email! 

Different Coping Mechanisms

With the recent death of my Grandmother I have been at a loss for words.  She was the most wonderful person you could have ever met and and impacted so many lives.  My Grandmama always knew the right thing to say about any given situation.  Her wisdom, council and love will live on in the rest of my family.  She has taught all of us so many things and she will always have a special place in my heart. 

Even though my heart feels broken, I have to go back to being normal.  So, since I'm trying to be normal I will do my best to write a meaningful post this morning.  Excuse me in advance if it isn't up to my normal standards, but I actually learned a lot about myself and my family during the time they spent here.

Different people grieve in different ways.  It's just the same as the different love languages.  You need to understand how people cope in order for them to grieve properly.  When your partner loses a loved one, they are going to be heartbroken and feel empty inside--it's your job as their spouse or Significant Other to understand how to help them cope with their loss.

Loner:
These people are like me.  When something bad happens, they would much rather be alone than in a group full of people.  If they know how their family/spouse copes, they will help them, but for their own sanity they need their personal space.  These people would rather cry alone and stay strong for the rest of the grieving party.  They put on a brave face for the world, but show their emotion in private or with people they are very close to.

Touchy:
This is how the majority of my family handles stress or grief.  These people like to hug out their emotions with other people.  They need to know that you're there for them, so hold their hand and hug them tight.  That's what they need to get out their emotions.  

Optimistic:
These people are usually the ones who will openly talk about the person you've recently lost.  They like to focus on the person and remember the good times with them.  For most people coping with a loss, these people are hard for them to be around.  There is usually a point where the grieving will be able to reminisce, but it usually takes some time before they want to talk openly about their loved one. 

Caregiver:
These people want to make sure they are doing everything that is needed so the rest of the family can grieve.  I find this quality very rare when people are coping, but it's there.  With this quality, there tends to be less opportunity to cry and mourn your loved one.  As the loved one of this type of mourner, just make sure they get their chance to properly grieve the loss.  Most times they are too focused on other people to even realize they haven't said their proper "goodbyes".

"You will lose someone you can't live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved.  But this is also the good news.  They live forever in your broken heart that doesn't seal back up.  And you come through.  It's like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly--that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp." --Anne Lamott

4 things to think about during a fight

After about a 5 month hiatus, I've decided to start blogging again! *Insert clapping and cheering here*  I had stopped blogging because of things that were going on in my personal life and I'm happy to say that I'm back again to stay!

During my time away I have learned a lot about myself, my relationship and I've become even more independent than I was before I started blogging.  I've returned to school and I'm about half way through my first semester as a Biblical Counseling major.  It's a lot harder than I thought it would be, but I'm glad that I decided to go back to school for myself.

To get myself back in the saddle again, I've decided to write a post about fighting in a long distance relationship (these things can be applied to every relationship as well). I don't know about any of my readers out there, but I am fluent in the art of fighting with my man (as he is with me also). We know what buttons to push to make sure we get a rile out of the other one, but that isn't very healthy for the relationship. So, during my little break from blogging, I've come up with tips on how to make your fights with your man productive as opposed to hurtful.

1. There should always a reason for the fights

Sometimes it may just seem like yelling or hurtful words, but you have to remember there is always a reason a fight begins. Whether it's because he had a bad day at work, he doesn't feel like he has anything to do, or maybe it's because of lack of food and/or sleep (this last one is very common with Ryan). As his girl, we need to remember to be sensitive to these emotions he is having. The reason he lashes out at you is because you're closest to him and he thinks that you won't be going anywhere.

However, if either of you are just fighting for the sake of fighting, then stop. If you have to stop talking because of it, so be it. Don't waste the little time you have to talk to him being in a bad mood. That will put a dark cloud over your relationship that's hard to overcome later.

2. Don't shout, communicate

During fights, both parties seem to think that their opinion and their words are the most important. Because of this, there tends to be a lot of shouting over each other and not very much communication. When he is talking, let him get his thought out before you start speaking. This isn't hard to accomplish if you're actually listening to what he is saying rather than thinking of what you're going to say in response.

3. Don't linger on the past

As women, we have the memory of an elephant. We can remember the stupid thing he did on July 21, 2009 and remember exactly why he was so stupid. If it's in the past, leave it there! When you're long distance the last thing either of you needs is to start fighting about something that happened several months, or years ago.

4. Make an effort

If your relationship is like mine, you're stubborn and so is your guy. At times, both of us swallow our pride and admit defeat. There is no way that you are right 100% of the time, so you need to talk it out with your man and try to find a middle ground. It's very difficult when you think you're the right one, but would you rather waste your time on fighting constantly, or enjoy the little time you have with him?

I have an issue with all 4 things on this list and they are things I'm working on to make myself a better person. I'm probably not the only person who has an issue when it comes to these things, so I thought I would put them out there in the open. None of us are perfect and we can all improve upon ourselves. Hopefully this article is eye-opening for those of you who have similar problems like me and aren't sure how to fix them.

Until next time, chickas!

iPhone apps

Today I've decided to share with y'all a few apps that have been very beneficial to me since Ryan has been in the Marine Corps. You should download one or all of these apps and they will make your life a lot easier! 

The first app is Skype. I'm pretty sure everyone knows what Skype is and what you use it for: video chatting. You can also use it to IM, Phone call and leave video messages. Ryan and I have used Skype many a night since he has been away.

I'm going to skip over my weather app and go to my Countdown+ app. This is only available for iPhone and it's fantastic! You can have several countdowns going on at once, it's really user-friendly and you can customize it to look however you want!

Next is my Been together app. This app tracks how long you have been with your S/O in terms of days. I changed it to track the number of days Ryan and I have been apart.

After FaceTime (that's a video chat exclusively for iPhones) there is my kik app. This is a texting app that Ryan and I sometimes use. Since you use it through WiFi we have no issue texting with it since he is in Japan.

My all time favorite is next: Voxer. This app pretty much turns your phone into a walkie talkie. I LOVE this app and would highly recommend it to anyone!

The Couple app is something the two of you can use to keep in touch. You can text, thumb kiss and so much more. I'm not a big fan of this app, but I know several MilSOs who swear by it!

My Facebook messenger app is what Ryan and I use to text the majority of the time. You can also send pictures and voice messages through it.

Have a happy hump day!!!